chichi - mini
loving friends and telling them just how I feel (that I LOVE THEM)
coming out of january like a lion? mm. or feb or march.
cousin leslie so pretty
remy's aikido kyu test yesterday after mochi moshi yum yum, it was exp for not much food but nice company - tired nik sar + dojo gang - so un-boisterous and respectful all of us.
alex you are so cute n' cool you're gonna find a job or not whichever way you are cool + belong on that vineyard of yours.
hoping this next week to bake cookies + give to people at NFMS. like jane + andrea, and leave everyone with a good impression. it's been a hard job to be honest. class management is not my strong suit. Like I want to hang out with them more then be stern with them. when these kids said "vingt skank" and "dix" like dicks, I want to laugh in their faces I so do. It's hilariously funny.
someone on facebook wihtin a 2-day span posted how they "found their dream job" and then went from "single" to "in a relationship" and wrote in the comment how much they are in love. Can this person's life possibly be so good??? I felt like logging off right then seeing that, and seriously wondering what life is all about.
I gotta go to dave's pet store tonight but do it so that rem doesn't quite realize that I am planning on adopting tomorrow. I must get a leash and etc. Anyone have a crate? (ha ha..?)
rem + i had an argument in the car at Bub's BBQ where I could feel my stomach gettting into knots and physically could no longer argue. like this tension and his obtuseness sometimes. THE HEART WANTS WHAT THE HEART WANTS.
So looking forward to this winter to be over already. I think the week of MLK Jr. day was the bona fide gloomiest week of the year/ my life. Dreams that I was crying carrying around just pain. living at their house makes me feel like a spayed kitty in a crate sometimes. No hope of flirtation or excitement, just getting tipsy while my parents curl up to O'Reilley and I get ready for bed or phone call...
Would rather not think in sentences right at this moment. This evening on the agenda is grocery shopping, maybe watching hulu, eating leftover chinese food with rem, cuddling toes under the covers, anything involving not being needed by anyone or yelled at or judged.
Monday I'm taking a sub day so I get to spend a long weekend here!... and do something else on monday that I don't want to jinx by talking about. x o x o
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
Dr MLK jr day
monday night before the storm..
well there may actually be a storm tomorrow - ice + sleet so I'm kinda hoping for no school or a delay.
Crazy few weeks, feel things are ch-ch-changin'.
Just spent the weekend enveloped in love - such a distinct feeling - and feeling torn between living in 2 places. But, loving the little break from the valley. the horrible weather, its here too, but i can park in a garage here.
On way back home, i stopped at LL Bean - the real store - in CT! Very cool to see the stuff in person. only got a shirt for Rem, decided I didn't need like a 10th cozy hoodie.
spent alot of the past weekend actually under the covers talking + touching toes with R. thats what i love... maybe not so much what we were talking about ( that he ain't committing + we may need to take a breather from the relationship) but it was still a nice weekend...
I recently would like to adopt a DOG! It's sort of causing me to fantasize about a future me where I got on walks with it + drive around with it and I know it will enhance my life. Of course rem is not on board, so lately I am thinking it's him or the dog. It's like, what I want. Single in the city! With a cute dog! Sort of eases the shock and pain of being suddenly single. Gives me a project. Anyway its just an idea, but I found one I love this weekend at Dakin. But - high adoption fee - $375! So among other reasons I felt that it wasn't the right time. And sure enough, come sunday morning I was happy to be able to sleep in and not have go on a bathroom run just yet.. But looking forward to when the day comes.
there's a meager run down of events lately. Back to the grind.. although this winter its been many 3 and 4-day weeks at NFMS... but I may need the extra time to plan my summer and apply to stuff, and watch Court TV.
x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o
well there may actually be a storm tomorrow - ice + sleet so I'm kinda hoping for no school or a delay.
Crazy few weeks, feel things are ch-ch-changin'.
Just spent the weekend enveloped in love - such a distinct feeling - and feeling torn between living in 2 places. But, loving the little break from the valley. the horrible weather, its here too, but i can park in a garage here.
On way back home, i stopped at LL Bean - the real store - in CT! Very cool to see the stuff in person. only got a shirt for Rem, decided I didn't need like a 10th cozy hoodie.
spent alot of the past weekend actually under the covers talking + touching toes with R. thats what i love... maybe not so much what we were talking about ( that he ain't committing + we may need to take a breather from the relationship) but it was still a nice weekend...
I recently would like to adopt a DOG! It's sort of causing me to fantasize about a future me where I got on walks with it + drive around with it and I know it will enhance my life. Of course rem is not on board, so lately I am thinking it's him or the dog. It's like, what I want. Single in the city! With a cute dog! Sort of eases the shock and pain of being suddenly single. Gives me a project. Anyway its just an idea, but I found one I love this weekend at Dakin. But - high adoption fee - $375! So among other reasons I felt that it wasn't the right time. And sure enough, come sunday morning I was happy to be able to sleep in and not have go on a bathroom run just yet.. But looking forward to when the day comes.
there's a meager run down of events lately. Back to the grind.. although this winter its been many 3 and 4-day weeks at NFMS... but I may need the extra time to plan my summer and apply to stuff, and watch Court TV.
x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o
Saturday, January 1, 2011
road to perfect health
drunk on mom's wine + dinner. love foooood!!!!
happy new year. Ideas flopping around:
possible trip to CALI w/ niki in the spring to visit Molly.
Possibly rem can invite his french friends that week so I'm not in his way + he gets to see friends + do boy stuff that makes him happy.
would like to get married in the summer but I need a willing partner (or marry myself) or move on as a happy single woman - may have to adopt a pug to ease the transition + give my life meaning.
had a nice/ horrible new years eve - involving a fabulous FONDUE spread, and then boyf could not get a bus home so I was alone with my fondue + romantic dinner idea sabotaged. There must be a rom com around this theme starring meg ryan or katherine heigle. In the end, it worked out even though there was some screaming and throwing cell phones into walls etc. we shared a lovely new years kiss + were able t o meet up with some positive people in sarah + nik and grow older in 2011 with choc + pb ice cream & brownies & cool music (CROSSOVER).
today kissed goodbye all day to my kittie kids, so loving and wonderful they are, and listening to savage podcast en route to NY, plopped down and ready to veg in my downstairs apt. with kitty sasha and get ready for another week / month of french middle school teaching! Ready to plan for new directions, trips that will bring me joy, activites (sewing, cooking) that will occupy the rest of my life. This on the heels of reading this article:
http://jezebel.com/5722330/want-a-happy-relationship-think-about-yourself-more
Otherwise still have little crushes here + there, mostly dudes who work at whole foods or traders, but there is a high turnover rate for them, and I'll be over them quick. Just a week ago i thought sam was worthy of me hiding my face under my hoodie. Now I know he is not even worth that action. so I went in there like nothing yesterday, and left, and felt good. Them spent today breathing in the one I love and remembering that love is here for me if I let it in, and all that makes me cry. I am like the woman on "Bronx Beat" on SNL who says she can't stand her husband, says there is a "ghostbusters" sign on her vadge - like "no trespassing" - and then get choked up talking about her husband, cuz she "loves him so much". haha. I love it.
new years was weird, well niki + ez calling me today hoping that I would train to brooklyn as I have done so often in my life -- and i have to admit that I don't feel like taking the trip - having to spend the night in an unfamiliar place, yet I'm not toally honest or try to hide that truth, and make excuses (real or fake) like that I feel sick. Which I thought is how I felt yesterday, cancelled my big trip to NYC to spend time with current friends in my CURRENT life in my CURRENT location. Maybe I am no longer looking to get laid -- is that what keep people up past midnight typically?? Or parties are just so boring, I think it is because I have someone to share a bed with now, thats what I was debating with jen now. Like bodily discomfort is manageable if there is the promise of finding a mate, perhaps? Like sleepiness, social malaise? anyway. It's all related to that revelation I had a few months ago when I got high for 2 days straight and felt like my own parent. Nurture, nurture, nurture the self, that is the greatest reward. And then you can give to others the brightest and healthiest you. Health - one of the greatest joys worth striving for on earth. Self-posession: another great joy. Thinking that your life is worth going to bed at a decent hour, etc, etc. I'll get off my soapbox now and give your eyes a rest! x x hoping for a great 2011 for all. (I almost wrote 2001 - remember where I was in 2001! starting it at SU - great semester - and ending it at Bard - new boyf and morning swimming routine.)
Bisous
happy new year. Ideas flopping around:
possible trip to CALI w/ niki in the spring to visit Molly.
Possibly rem can invite his french friends that week so I'm not in his way + he gets to see friends + do boy stuff that makes him happy.
would like to get married in the summer but I need a willing partner (or marry myself) or move on as a happy single woman - may have to adopt a pug to ease the transition + give my life meaning.
had a nice/ horrible new years eve - involving a fabulous FONDUE spread, and then boyf could not get a bus home so I was alone with my fondue + romantic dinner idea sabotaged. There must be a rom com around this theme starring meg ryan or katherine heigle. In the end, it worked out even though there was some screaming and throwing cell phones into walls etc. we shared a lovely new years kiss + were able t o meet up with some positive people in sarah + nik and grow older in 2011 with choc + pb ice cream & brownies & cool music (CROSSOVER).
today kissed goodbye all day to my kittie kids, so loving and wonderful they are, and listening to savage podcast en route to NY, plopped down and ready to veg in my downstairs apt. with kitty sasha and get ready for another week / month of french middle school teaching! Ready to plan for new directions, trips that will bring me joy, activites (sewing, cooking) that will occupy the rest of my life. This on the heels of reading this article:
http://jezebel.com/5722330/want-a-happy-relationship-think-about-yourself-more
Otherwise still have little crushes here + there, mostly dudes who work at whole foods or traders, but there is a high turnover rate for them, and I'll be over them quick. Just a week ago i thought sam was worthy of me hiding my face under my hoodie. Now I know he is not even worth that action. so I went in there like nothing yesterday, and left, and felt good. Them spent today breathing in the one I love and remembering that love is here for me if I let it in, and all that makes me cry. I am like the woman on "Bronx Beat" on SNL who says she can't stand her husband, says there is a "ghostbusters" sign on her vadge - like "no trespassing" - and then get choked up talking about her husband, cuz she "loves him so much". haha. I love it.
new years was weird, well niki + ez calling me today hoping that I would train to brooklyn as I have done so often in my life -- and i have to admit that I don't feel like taking the trip - having to spend the night in an unfamiliar place, yet I'm not toally honest or try to hide that truth, and make excuses (real or fake) like that I feel sick. Which I thought is how I felt yesterday, cancelled my big trip to NYC to spend time with current friends in my CURRENT life in my CURRENT location. Maybe I am no longer looking to get laid -- is that what keep people up past midnight typically?? Or parties are just so boring, I think it is because I have someone to share a bed with now, thats what I was debating with jen now. Like bodily discomfort is manageable if there is the promise of finding a mate, perhaps? Like sleepiness, social malaise? anyway. It's all related to that revelation I had a few months ago when I got high for 2 days straight and felt like my own parent. Nurture, nurture, nurture the self, that is the greatest reward. And then you can give to others the brightest and healthiest you. Health - one of the greatest joys worth striving for on earth. Self-posession: another great joy. Thinking that your life is worth going to bed at a decent hour, etc, etc. I'll get off my soapbox now and give your eyes a rest! x x hoping for a great 2011 for all. (I almost wrote 2001 - remember where I was in 2001! starting it at SU - great semester - and ending it at Bard - new boyf and morning swimming routine.)
Bisous
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