Monday monday, sitting in window seat at Panera in west side - I used to come here after teaching, buy discounted pastries at stop n' shop. So i did that again, and printed stuff at staples too.
I overload on buying food sometimes ; I got anxious last week when I didn't have chocolate soy milk. So I impulsively bought some at WF. Then I bought some more at TJ's. THEN when I went home to visit my parents, my mom bought me TWO HUGE CARTONS of Silk soy + Silk Almond. So now there are FOUR cartons of chocolate soy milk in my fridge. I'm flipping out now because I will never be able to finish all of them on my own!!! This seriously brings me anxiety. I hate the moment where you know you must trash it. And pour it down the sink. what a waste! Who would want my opened cartons of SM?
what I'm doing down here is for Nico's neuter surgery. the poor guy....... I've fallen in love with him lately. I now know what all the fuss is about. They seem so human-like, but purer, like only love and devotion to you without asking anything. (except tons of walks, picking up poopies, daily brushing, gourmet cuisine of dog food mixed with human leftovers + veggies). I LOVE HIM. He's like a new friend, not to mention that people react so positively to me in town when I am with him. He like automatically elicits a SMILE from every passer-by.
Anyway it's a typical end of February bummer fest, such a horrible windy snowy frigid winter. As of this moment I am looking at zero employment prospects and although my subbing is buoying me it really blows not feeling like I belong to anything ever. I just applied to an internship that could change my direction, but I feel pessimistic. Like I've sort of left 'intern' age, and feeling like 21 years have a better shot than me cuz my job history has added up to not much. I guess I don't really know what excites me. Even when I look at the music path I could have taken if i had more balls, I think of all the stupid teaching kids who won't practice, and that follows everyone. And my instrument envy started when I was in school. I believe I chose the wrong instrument. Is this enough debby downer for you??? Like I just think I would have so many ensemble options as a violist, and I hate competing against all the primadonnas for anything. So now I don't quite know my place as a flutist, besides as a part-time hourly rated instructor of 4th graders. Teaching sort of ruins everything...
now watching judge judy after a pretty mizerable day at school...
