me again

 Date tonight with Leopoldo, ,he seems totally smart + kind. We shall see. I didn't feel an immediate physical attraction to him. I do think that I am wired to seek tall, Northern/ Western European types... adjusting that ideal in my mind seems hard, I must admit. Don't tell the OKC suitors that, they will call me a fucking superficial bitch. 

what has been going on? 

Yesterday... went to Smith, calling Maribel to be like ' where are you', i'm parking at THIS SPOT etc. So, no word... I call, no answer, etc. 

Maribel, so unflexible. Because i was at the different entrance to the trail. So...she does not want to walk + come meet me, her bags are too heavy... so she won't come, "i'm sorry.."

I say "how about coffee in 30 mins... i will pick u up.."

The answer is no, she has had too many coffees when she should be working. 

Scary, but what do I expect?

Like, I had gone to Northampton specifically to hang w her. 

It's about expecting more from ppl then u know they are capable of. . you like, set your self up for disappointment. 

Introversion life... well, I'm trusting my own instincts lately... Last night, went to Aaron's recital to 'support him' but mostly because I don't want to rule out the possibility of sleeping with him...So I did my duty, and felt weird at the reception, so left quickly... to nowhere in town or in amherst. 

Came home, cuddled my boo boos, and watched "Mon Oncle Antoine". 

Excellent film!

I think I also felt weird because like, I'm just scoping out how Aaron plays, but if I weren't kinda interested in him i didn't have much musical curiosity to see him play the Berio Sequenza for alto sax! But it was cool, don't get me wrong. So then when i was there after the show I had that classic feeling of "oh i don't want him to think I'm too into him...or too slobbering on him by coming to his concert..." so I left quickly. 

The next day I sent a totally casual "You were awesome! Sorry I couldn't stick around" with on-purpose lack of punctuation. then he goes "he should see a film sometime" .... I guess it'c confusing, like what does he want? What do I want? This is sure to end in mutual carnage and disaffectuation. 

woke up, and found that my mailbox has been vandalized by drunk assholes during the night. Like, totally kicked off the post & all the way to the bus stop.