Kou kou

coucou. Cool that blogger is trying to be tumblr now. I don't mind. Ce soir, Je traine avec moi meme. j ecoute joni mitchelle la. I talked to rem tonight. Heart still makes the pitying leap toward him. Sweet guy. despite it all. Quand je me dis que il m a comme gache 4 ans de ma vie... c pas aussi simple que ca pourtant. Lately, I'll try to give U a sketch. i proudly see grey hairs arriving on my head. I think the pride is like "Look, i lived!" or something. Like I wasn't totally sure. Now I see, I wear my years. "we don't need no paper from the city hall..."

 Went to Brattleboro today w/ FV, my new man. As we left each other tonight, I said that I was going to "meditate, and walk the dog." I will tell you upfront that I did neither. Nico didn't want to. I did basically the opposite of meditation. Which is unconsciously eating sweet snacks while talking on the phone with my ex. Then drinking another cup of coffee @ 7 pm. Then smoking half a clope even though I don't smoke. So that is a realer portrait of how I spend my time, I suppose. I also will say that I watched 1 hour of TV on hulu. Today @ Turn
it UP, I like read this biography on the Ramones while FV looked at records. I occupied myself. a kid made a joke that he goes to "UMASS Santa Cruz" Very funny. Though I don't know the context. We I felt a residual annoyance at him. he talks and talks. "OUI will get you arrested" a non-stop obsessional conversation topic of his on the ride home. Does it mean "WE" or "OUI" as in Operating Under the Influence? I don't know, and neither does any one. But it seemed to need constant head scratching. I was feeling bloated, dirty and tired, and this sort of put me over the edge. Just please stop talking. But on the other hand, I need you to talk. So please don't stop. U know?

 Samedi soir, g pas envie d'etre sortie ce soir... ca fait trop longtemps que j'ecris pas ici... perte de connexion avec ma voix de poete peut-etre. Etre avec mon chien ce soir, c'est le paradis. Je me souviens de la personne que je suis.. Bon, ce soir I ate my half a banana with Vermont peanut butter with CHOCOLATE, people. I am forever the PB queen. Love it, put it on anything, like a kid. I guess the obvious question at this moment is if I really am starting to love FV. Or if I only love sleeping with him. That's an exciting part. That's a high light, put it that way. So how does a Modern Women truly know? Sounds like a conundrum for eVette.

J'ai renoue mes liens amicaux avec plein de mes copines, I newly have love for them all. And truly feel fortunate for friendship. The rare pill of easy laughter, goofiness, solidarity, compassion, teasing. Julie at the lake. Thank you, universe. Jess on the phone while she's in her pyjamas playing SEGA or whatever that crazy girl. FB msg with my sweet cousin. Long emails to Josie. thank U. sending Jen a link on canker sores cuz I know that's something she is prone to. (sorry, jen) I thought of you, and often think of you, and I smile when i remember you, and I wonder what you would say at this moment to make me laugh. And what is going on in your life. We R so lucky! xxxooo xxxooo

april

coucou.
ill try to find the right voice for u.
9:30 weeknight, i pleasured myself today with gym, walk, grocerie, seeing a gal friend at the supermarket, we chatted in the aisle, we both need to go home to prospective homes. she is back together with Will, the hi + mighty beer guy who I am a fan of. yayyy. I told her who I am dating. She equally was so pleased.
boyfriend
girlfriend
30 is the new 30.
I've needed to write to u for a while.
Currently, just April 2 vibe, the clouds so pretty today and blue sky, je me disais que la vie est belle ces jours ci. Enfin, on sais bien pourquoi je dis ca... g passe ce dimanche au paradis.
FV, newly back from boston, we went to roller derby bout. Very cool, especially the womens.
on se casse. we go back home, il pleut, Dorin texts me to cancel for sunday nite beer. FV and I talk and talk. G envie du cognac, armagnac, lui il prend du whiskey, on ecoute Thurstons Psychic Hearts. kissy kissy kissy.

I currently feel so very blessed with nico. he is like the ideal man. We sleep all night together in my new Ikea bed, new sheets cotton candy pink from marshalls. snuggly snuggly.

I spent last week chez mes parents, because they were in Florida.
I fear that a pattern is the choice of non-musical non-self expression non-real non-creative activities. the internet is the derth of us. Much more I needed to tell u, but I should always be telling you it all.
it's crept to 10:20, my bedtimeish. My eyes feeling abused by non-real lighting. nico waiting for his bed mate to crawl in.
x o x o