jazz

well hello...

a little weekly update for my loyal fans. it is sunday night, I have the sunday vibe, latina music is on the radio, and R is preparing sushi (well WE are, but now I'm bloggin). we had a little burst of energy this afternoon at the international market looking for sushi fixins. I also cracked open a little champagne, I'm sure there is something out there that needs celebrating.

this weekend has been un-weekendly, well I was awoken early by my landlord's loud fricking voice outside my window, and I worked both days. R came to get me after work y'day + we had a sampler (4 half pints) of locally brewed beer at NBC. yummy. (you're probably noticing the trend of having no other friends besides each other) yeah. well we do like hangin out together so thats fortunate. We just survey the crowd and categorize people into two groups: people getting laid tonight, people not getting laid and analyze our research. I guess that is 'boring couple' of us, but whatev.

Part of the reason I started this blog is because I always knew my inner monologue is a bit incoherent & lacking clear transitions. Mental health wise, I know therapists say that depression starts to resemble this: lack of sentences, paragraphs, in the inner existence. Just static doldrum. So I'm trying to be my own antidepressant lately, which requires alot of introspection. Part of this so-called looking inward has me noticing how I have like no boundaires up for myself. For example, when my phone rings + its my mom I generally always answer it. Like I anticipate that she will have some lisa news, or else I have the classic "what if she's in an emergency" or what have you. So I pick up. and I am realizing that for my own mental sanity I need to be able to say "no" to the barrage of phone calls. Like, there should be times where I am in the middle of growing as a twenty-something, and can't answer the phone. I'd like to take a survey of how often you talk to your mom on the phone, because my average is about every other fricking day. Back in college I remember I instinctually told my mom to stop calling so much. Looking back, I'm really proud I was so in touch with my needs. I knew I was in a state of constant growth + I needed emotional space. Now I feel like I let anyone into that space, like any time is a good time to disturb me.

Same thing with email. Like I generally have my computer open, and if gmail tells me I have a new message I will generally stop what I am doing to go online. Some saturdays + sundays, I'm like, I know no one is emailing me, but I can't say no to the internet. I wish I could say "Any email messages I may have can wait". Once upon a time, when the internet was new, all I knew how to do online was email! and I think I would spend 5 mins online because I didn't know what other sites to visit. And its quite boring to sit + wait for an email to appear. You may as well go live your life...

x x x voila c'est tout. Demain I'm gonna play cupid un peu pour mon amie Katie. c'est cool, j'aime bien faire ca. ce mec est gentil, je l'ai rencontre une fois, et voila j'espere que c pas trop chiant.

cherish

been sitting at the computer all day... pretty much I hate doing that. took a break to buy alot of groceries.

well the weather is nice now, I've been feeling like I have less obstacles in my pathway to happiness. Or maybe its how facebook and internet are these tools that make us so distracted. Distracted by other people's lives, by what people think, by who's friends with who, by what so+so's ex thinks about whatever. If I've learned anything in my ripe old age it is that you need to pay very close attention to your self and live your own life. Like I said, I think the people living the coolest lives + being themselves are the people that do not need to check facebook every few hours. I don't actually need to know that Sam, my friend in college, cut his finger on a piece of porcelain + was therefore updating his facebook with one hand. Nope don't need to know that Erin is still pregnant + has back pain. Anyway, this just means I'm gonna try to be sparse on facebook. No compulsive self-deleting needed.

I think I overestimate people in this world. Like today I was filling out paperwork to renew my food stamp benefits (thank you massachusetts), and I was thinking how like survival is the driving force in everyone's life. But for some people I think survival is enough. Like, spirually speaking. Yeah, don't feel like developing this idea much further.

It's been a bit challenging "on the job search" lately, because I wake up every day like with no real direction, and remy is also out of school slummin' around. I usually wake up in a slight panic because I want a little alone time before he wakes up. Never really happens, but whatev. Yesterday we went on a nice hike with our friend Katie, the weather was perfect, even wore sunscreen. I have a little "cupid" streak in me, I've gotten jobs for at least 2 friends, and now I am trying to fix up katie with a French dude. So that is an upcoming project. We will meet him for coffee, then if it goes well we'll invite him to our Bub's BBQ hiking day, and so on.

I made a hard decision about attending a friend's bridal shower next weekend. Like she's having a big ass fancy wedding in September, I guess I hate all these traditions, the bridal registry and so on. You know, just get married. But there are always so many codes involved, plus I don't feel particularly close to my friends with H.S. for this reason. Katie + I were laughing about it because she went to a similar bridal shower, where she was forced to buy a gift, and she was telling me how the bride was crying opening the gifts. Like, are you seriously crying because you've received things you asked people to buy for you? Katie had bought the cheapest thing on the list - salad bowls.

Okay. I must go think about my life now. au revoir...