blogue

Summer summer summertime...

Monday, things are starting to move along.

asked about pilates training, I think I'm gonna do it! It's expensive of course, and it's in Hadley and not Montreal. But, it's at my own studio and a good place to start. I'm a little bit shy when it comes to these things, but then i have to remember that people don't hate me immediately the way I imagine they do. I never caught that yoga bug, but I imagined myself doing some sort of physical training at some point. With yoga, I feel like it's a contest to see who is the most peaceful. And like self-consciousness and awkwardness are so not Zen so if you feel awkward you're obviously not at peace with the world and yourself. Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

Then trying to figure out my schedule at this work place for the next 2.5 weeks. The first glitch is trying to squeeze in dropping remy off at the bus station and crying and hugging in between working there. Oh lala. He is leaving Wednesday, and the usual feelings of feeling the floor taken from under my feet alongside a bit of relief. I think someone leaving your side who is always at your side is always so viscerally painful. Watching someone get on a bus as you stay behind...Watching the bus pull away... And then rushing back to work at a sucky flourescent lighted office building. But honestly i almost would rather that than coming home to an empty house.

I cannot explain to you why I feel this way, and then how I ask myself if he's the One or whatever. I think it's my life that needs fixing and not the relationship sometimes. But thats neither here nor there.

So otherwise I feel like I am shedding skin like a snake. I Literally the other day was rubbing off this dead skin from my arms. I am just realizing that these old friendships I am still hanging onto. still gripping onto the hurt feelings. And what with Fartbook, these people just don't exit my consciousness. RELEASE has been my new mantra. RELEASE IT. Kind of a variation on the whole head under the covers thing. But release. I am feeling more and more that I cannot move forward without releasing. Why did V stop being my friend and instead chose losers over me? RELEASE.
Is A. happier in her life than me? RELEASE
Maybe it could have worked out with H.? RELEASE (hard to release this one)
Wow A. has a nice diamond ring, how come I don't have one? RELEASE.
Maybe guys liked me more before I got boring? RELEASE.


SOMETHING ABOUT US --- DAFT PUNK ---- Such a good song.

Otherwise, life has been lazy days in the Valley, i like how there is no school no guilt no fear no teens. I have my period and yesterday I hid in the bushes to insert a tampon and put on my bathing suit. I'm becoming less modest about this stuff. Like Rem and I pee in this little parking lot everytime we go to this bar, and the last time much to our surprise these car lights go on and this dude in a pick-up just watched me croutch down and pee. Ah well.

Next time I blog I'll try to tell you about how I watched my mom kiss this creepy artist guy on the lips (it was one of those hug/kiss confusion mixups) and then how I have coordinated 6 teens to come here + stay with families. when its maybe me who wants to be friends with French teenagers. more later. xxx