pregz

Ouch.
Last night very real dream that I was pregnant.
At the doctor, she looked at me and "knew".
Said my knees were swollen. And was fatter. Was growing so fast.
Combo feeling of fear and doom. And secret elation.
I would finally make sense in this world.
Everyone would start congratulating me.
Thinking that I would have to tell "Frank". Cuz I can't do this alone.
Our birth control method has failed. Oopsies.
Where do these secret longings come from.
I was ovulating yesterday & the day before. My body is sharp as a stopwatch.
My uterus is like, "come on already, we can't do this forever."
Take away all that wedding bullshit & social pressure of coupledom.
And I think that longing truly is like a bone. Not from television.
A fertile landscape generously plowed to perfection every 28 days.
But we keep saying "no". Not the right relationship. Not the right job yet.
Haven't done enough self absorbed art, sorry uterus.
Hang on for a few more years, ok?

blah. xo