Fwd: salut

 Rare G period break. Insanely busy lately. 

JV's first game today. Ours tomorrow. This month will hopefully "speed" by but I am concerned that I am living my life with that mantra way too much. Like a living for xmas and spring and summer breaks. "Then" I can relax. 

Even the social things I have going on like cause me stress. Always walking that balance. Like to the point that I am considering cancelling all plans on my birthday because I am afraid I will be too bus and stressed. isn't that lame? This weekend I will meet my "boyfriend's" parents, I put that in quotes because he is moving to Martha's Vineyard in March, possibly before, and I really don't know if I this guy is "the one" but it nice to have some occasional companionship. 

My school is very strange. Telma didn't sit next to me, instead making a student move so that she didn't have to sit next to me. I smiled wide at that. She is so fucking sad. I start to look around and see people so fucking clueless, new faculty coming late or not at all to important meetings, going to Anna to say that they had to go to urgent care or whatever. Because they don't take care of their bodies and get sick. So there I go on a critical spree. Everyone is leading their own life. Everyone is learning their own lessons. Julie with her sob stories about her child needing her so can I just take her attendance for her, etc. 

The subtle question behind alot of this is "Why is this job so demanding." Is this what I want for myself? Will it really get easier next year? Or will they just feel freer to call upon me to do various extra duties even more? Will i be given that nicer housing always being jingled in front of my face? Should I really look into public school teaching? Should I try to TA at new paltz next year? Should I move away from Hudson Valley? 

And the more humming noise in the background of course is, will I find the partnership I so crave, and will I build a family with that person, and when. That's sort of the "question of the day", unfortunately my job leaves little time to ponder such pressing issues. Really would like to know all that, and am now giving the universe the chance to wow me, surprise me, and to leave me breathless. I've said the words, may it now manifest in my life. 

XOXO