hey pretty lady

Hey there. I will try to catch you up on everything.

Those little feelings I was having in January, about this little job and maybe feeling not challenged or growing here... well they created an atmosphere where an opportunity was able to land in my lap. I can't believe it but... I am going to take it and will be moving to new Milford CT this summer. Just an hour away from here but, yeah... it's another world there. The universe hear my itching under my feet. 

Lately I am worrying in advance about my new job. I was guided to make the decision to take the job. But I am starting to feel bittersweet about having Saturday classes (!) -- even though they aren't all academic, that my weekends aren't completely mine... and of course, leaving my beautiful apartment. But I must remember that I once felt that way about my apartment in Hadley. 

But... I can still do Friday night open gym, and potentially even play on a Wednesday league team during the spring. But playing with my team lately I can't believe that such a competitive, cool league exists in Poughkeepsie. but I also have my ENTIRE summers free, so I can def play grass vball during the summer as well. 

And I will be making 12k more $$ than I do now. That's a lot, right? That gives me a lot of freedom to spend my summers how I want to. I have to remember that this job will put me more on my intended trajectory -- that I will be a seasoned, experienced teacher fully engaged in my process, competent in TPRS/CI methodology, which will lend itself to either continued growth at Canterbury, eventual PhD studies in 2nd language acquisition (which C'bury subsidizes), or eventual work at a private day school. Whatever I do, this is a good step for me. Even if it's a horribly conservative/Catholic experience, I can leave it and move on. But I know that I am going to grow there whatever happens. 

I need help with my feelings of jealousy and hatred toward my colleague. I have therapy this week and hopefully we can work on this and my feelings of anxiety. Doing a lot of napping lately. Like, as soon as I sit on the couch I wanna fall asleep. Even to a 2 Dope Queens podcast.  So there's that. I decreased my dosage of lexapro cuz I don't wanna be a zombie.

Lemonade was very beautiful. But disappeared from online and now I wanna watch more. That publicity genius Beyonce. Hold up, she don't love you like I love you. ..... I ain't sorry.... I ain't sorry...