Is this It

 This can be a message to my friend or a message to the atmosphere. 

why at amherst coffee does it always seem like WMUA jazz hour. like that is deemed the music of classy people. 

sometimes U come to noho coffee and the ppl here are working and are like beautiful, and U like tell yourself that they have figured out the secret to happy living. like they leave their coffee job and go paint murals and run into their neighbors and go pick up their weekly vegetable ration, and while sipping locally brewed cider thay conceive a child who will one day go to the Hartsbrook school.  Tee hee. That is like the valley dream. 

It kinda exists but then something about having no culture to stick your face into kinda dulls the monotony. Monotony really being monotonous. Or you need to be constantly stimulated by travel, trips to boston, NYC, weekly weed revelations, and Dub Step music seeping into your bones.a relative of reggae.

Ryan knew the perfect gift for me. Goberry gift card. How I love it. And some cool tupperwarey things that steams veggies. Like I don't know how to. That dude and I are still hanging out. A pervasive sense of anxiety however surrounds us. Me, eating my cuticles till I see bone.  So we've established that we have no future, yet we continue to hang like boyfriend girlfriend and sleep together. Its kinda like when you turn off a light and a second of light lingers.  Like in the olden days. 

I feel nervous now, like swimming at my own risk, because they my guard is down i'm like falling straight in love with him, logic defied. 

I thought it would dissipate kinda organically, like no speech needed. But speech may be needed. I'm the classic woman who can't stand around waiting for him to achieve his dreams and smoke weed erryday, while I wager a bet on him. 

This was put into priority I think because molly told me in NY that she got pregnant using the method that I use. Thinking of myself, the elation of conceiving, mixed with a feeling that he is a reluctant parent. and etc. etc. etc. 

So, this is a fantasy land that I think we would prefer not to leave. Especially when it is so cold. But I think he said "I love you" yesterday and this time it wasn't an accidental dismorphacation of "I love your pussy".  HAHAHA..

I think that I should go, nico is in the car, and I could do a bunch of cleaning at home..

XO