coucou. 

Gonna try to give you a snapshot of what i've been doing N feeling. 

yesterday, 2/12., interview at PFSJ Charter school. Finger crossed, I think? I would love to be a part of a passionate faculty etc. Ya, a lotta work. I would kinda feel like I have arrived somewhere. 

Last year, 2/12 first kissy w Frank!

2011, Nico adopted on 2/12.

Big day. 

i am at a coffee shop near Mt Holyoke College where these 2 lesbians at the table next to me are like kind of breaking up. Speaking so openly. Kind of sweet. That absence of self-consciousness found in 21 yr olds. Saying that she hates how they lie in bed together and 1 doesn't want to be touched, how does that make the other one feel? She needs intimacy. Compromise is needed.  One has like a facial twitch land is speaking very emotionally. 

This week, snow day monday put me in a tailspin of feeling connected to nothing..  and like anxious...

Yesterday I sat in front of the Obama SOTU address and was like half frustrated that it was on every fricking channel, and half unwilling to change the channel because i needed some noise in my head besides my own voice.  So I kept it on, listening to the babbling about jobs and American hope for the future. STFU. 

My own voice is telling me some weird shit. Like "that charter school thought U were a babbling idiot." "U don't really know how to teach, and it shows." "U said exactly the wrong thing." "Another waste of interview time of everyone's part" "U are better suited to be a Stay-at-home-mom" "Except minus the mom part, because U don't even have a man". "U should probably just mate with your ex, u don't deserve better and will waste your 30s trying to land someone better." 

WTF.

So i've had like nothing good or funny or creative or wild bouncing around my head recently.  Despite, what? 

I think it iis plainly the absence of doing anything creative. Except baking. Like, open a frickin notebook and write ANYTHING. 

But it's winter... and inspiration is dry... like even when we have a blizzard I'm like "great, now I can watch Millionaire Matchmaker"  and basically tune out. 

Although, my apartment is lookin pretty clean, I'm vaccuming up a storm, and throwing alot of junk away. But alas.... i'm a mess. 

February has always been brutal to me... 

Next week I will be on vacation in the Virign Islands! So let's touch base after that, I may very well look like a different person.

xo gozzip grrl