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Summer days spent at my parents house...

Watching their continual marital behavior.... I sometimes feel like an intruder.

When I think "I can't move to quebec, i would be too far from my parents", I come here and remember that my hometown is not something I need to live near forever. 

today, felt utterly euphoric after eating at Ramenesque. (maybe satisfied a more fitting word?) Amazing food. Felt it was good to stare down discomfort of being around my parents. Exercise in lovingkindness and stuff I am learning and reading about. Eating and drinking very well and feeling that my body is healthy. 

Going back tomorrow to PK, to look at the apartment I may move into, get my mail, and then I have an accupuncture appt. My bladder issue is really doing well! Thanks for debrae's conversation. I think it helped. It's related to: sexual boundaires/ sexual shame/ boundaries to my self/ releasing old feelings and mentalities no longer serving me. That this foreign unwanted invader in my bladder is unwelcome. And I have the power to say "leave". I already did say "no thank you" to frank. Debrae is so right: he holds his self-worth in his penis. and I validated that for him. Although he declined a real opportunity for intimacy with me (when he broke up with me), I accepted the subsequent hook ups and I let him "run the show". Hid my own expansiveness. I accepted the occasional dick and told myself it was satisfying enough. It was, to a degree. But I let him in, let him in, let him in. Can I say it enough? I let him in.  And there he stays. But I have no need for him anymore. I don't want his dick (it can be found elsewhere, let's get real here), or his motherfucking nonstop talking, or his inability to be vulnerable. Don't want any of it!!!! And so it shall leave my energy sphere. I don't need it anymore. 

I just googled the civil war scholar/ historian that my psychic said I should be meeting one of these days. 

I found one guy who was not the handsome stud I am looking for...