hier.

coucou.

felt like i need to tell someone what is going through my mind.

last nite i call rem to have a gnight convo, see how the pets are, give him love because he is going to france in 2 days.

kes tu fais?
euh, je regarde la tele juste.
(ok, well now you are talking to me...)
i sense he's like not in a good mood so I ask if I am bothering him.
... mais non, pkoi tu dis ca tt le temps?? je suis stresse, j'essaie de me reposer la...
Ok. so I know this isn't gonna go well.
tell me what is on your heart -- me
Euh.... g pas envie d'aller en france mais j y v qd meme, you know i've been stressed, and then you call me like this and push my buttons...
ok.
it is like he is speaking another language. truly. poor him, stressed cuz he has no job, he will be stressed when he's in france, again when he comes back, needs to finish his thesis bla bla blah.
no pleasure in his life... I just wish he could see opportunities, to un wind and be himself in france, rejuv.
i mentioned how I was dreaming about not coming back.
he said that made him "pissed off", like that I would call him to talk about that when he knows how stressed he is. How he knows SW france and western mass and doesn't want to think about moving any where else.
he said something so incredibly ridiculous: "what will it be next year, Mexico?"
When he knows so well that i've been talking about quebec for the past 2 years and this is the furthest thing from being a flukey desire. if he had taken seriously what I've been talking about for years.
i'm so beyondthis relationship, it seemed so obvious yesterday. I went to bed sort of in mourning for something that seems dead to the touch.
gotta get some pretty clothes on now and go to class.
lotsa love.
T